There are times, even in an otherwise vibrant Christian marriage, when one spouse does something to really hurt you,that is so unexpected that you don't think you could ever forgive them; but if we are to be Christ like, we should forgive and there are other times when you really need to call it quits.

Physical Abuse:

If your spouse is using you for target practice, a punching bag or just as an unhealthy outlet for their frustrations, you should not subject yourself or any children you might have to that abuse and you will need to get the authorities involved.

This is not just a topic that only affects secular people;but it is something that has invaded Christian marriage as well,as some men misread the verses in the bible about the wife being urged to submit to her husband and thus the husband feels that he can do whatever he wants physically, sexually or otherwise,

The truth is that verse in Ephesians 5 recognizes the differences in males and females in Christian marriage and assigns different roles for each. Men and women are vastly different not just physically but in their attitudes, the way they think etc, Different;but of equal worth to God.

There is a common misconception that only men are the abusers, and this is just wrong and while it is true that much more physical abuse is caused by men, Women do abuse their husbands and it is vastly underreported as most men and society see a man who reports being attacked as a sign of weakness and so the man is terrified of anyone knowing about it, as most of society will shake their head and think "What a weakling He can't even "control" his wife" Women can be very violent, stalking psychos as well.

A case (fiction) of this was chronicled in the 1993 TV movie Men Don't Leave.

There are numerous cases of violence between spouses like the case of a woman a few years ago, who waited too long to get police protection and right as she was walking in the police station, her husband shot and killed her and then took his own life.

Or The more recent case of this young mother who shot and killed her pastor husband to death, that just goes to show you that as Christians, we do not live in a vacuum, what happens in the world does affect the church.

The fact is, if you are in a relationship, even if you thought your spouse knew the Lord and yet they perpetrate ANY acts of violence towards you (or excessive discipline toward any children you two might have) The authorities will have to get involved. And yet, you do still have the option of forgiving them if they are truly sincere and agree to really get help without your spouse making any excuses.

This is a really tough judgment call for you to make as you don't want to potentially put yourself or children at risk.

You are not being a "doormat" for doing so, we are to be Christ like but again not subject yourself or your children to physical or emotional abuse and your spouse must earn your trust.

Cheating:

Cheating is at epidemic proportions and some experts say that infidelity,while still seen as wrong by a lot of people, its becoming more and more "culturally acceptable" I find that statement sad; but more and more true,even among Christians,

If your spouse has betrayed you by having sex with someone else, you have every right to get angry and feel resentment toward that lying cheater and biblically you have the right to tell them to take a flying leap off a 50 storey building (i.e end the marriage)

They have destroyed the trust you had in them, set a bad example for the kids and endangered your life potentially with all these various sexually transmitted diseases,with new ones coming out on the scene,it seems, every year.

You do also have the option of putting aside that desire for ex-girlfriend revenge and hurt (as bad as it is) and find out if your marriage is worth saving. God says in Malachi 2v16 that he hates divorce and that it covers one's clothes with violence, most divorces are not pretty and you have charges and counter charges leveled at each other (some intentionally and blatantly false to gain the judge's favor.)

So while you have two choices of trying to rebuild the lost trust or ending the marriage, a lot of thought should be given to this, you might need to spend some time apart, see your pastor for some insight.

Then if you want to forgive you must forgive completely and not constantly use it as a way to get your way, that is not Christ like forgiveness and this is ONLY if the cheater comes clean on how long, and how many partners they've been with and if they really wants to stay as well and has agreed to counseling and has repented before God, it will take time to rebuild that trust because cheaters do sometimes revert back to cheating again, once again endangering your life so you need to use the old President Reagan adage of "Trust Buy Verify i.e keep an eye open for awhile and don't ignore signs of cheating.

Emotional Abuse

Sometimes no matter how hard your spouse tries nothing seems to be going right in their life (especially career wise) and when they for example were passed over for a promotion,lost a lot of money on the stock market or after spending two hard years of operating that business that has now gone bust,does your spouse take out that frustration on you and constantly berate you,call you names and make you feel low or does that to the kids?

Ending your christian marriage must not be the first option and you should try to reach out to your spouse and the both of you should seek God more and your pastor's counsel as well,

I know it hurts to live that way; but if you follow the crowd, divorce would be the first option, Every person has their limits and yours must be guided by a Christ's example not the world's and your spouse's emotional abuse could be a precursor of things to come (i.e violence) and if that occurs GET OUT.

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