Getting a divorce can be fraught with a lot of emotional and financial problems. But most people do not take the time to find out the underlying reasons for their spouse new behavior and commitment to their marriage vows. If we spend a little time and patience to investigate the real reasons for the irreconcilable differences that is the common grounds for divorce, we will all build a happy marriage life.

The story that follows is real. Find out if this is the best way to get a divorce.

For more than two decades, Pamela had been married to Harold a congressman. During that time, they reared three children, Harold grew in prestige and power, and Pamela became widely admired. To avoid the hassle of rearing a family in Washington, Pamela stayed at home in their largely rural district while Harold commuted on weekends.

Then problem started. A gossip columnist alleged that Harold was involved with another woman. According to the columnist, Harold was a devoted husband and great father, but only two weekends a month. When in Washington, he was engaged in a secret love affair. But, in truth, the story was a fabrication. The reported romance was only just a business relationship.

But reading about her husband's secret love affair aroused Pamela. Most people are inclined to believe the worst, and Pamela was not an exception. Her reaction was to get even, destroy her husband's good name, and make him pay.

She decided on getting a divorce. The divorce proceedings that followed were very messy. Pamela had "proof" that her husband, Harold, has been on the take from numerous government suppliers, drank excessively, was a negligent father, took a paid pleasure trips with the other woman (his administrative assistance) and that she had made enormous sacrifices while he was enjoying the good life.

Pamela's closest friend advised her not to make the divorce nasty. After all, divorces are easy to get, the courts usually make fair property settlements, and even though the children were grown, they would still be hurt.

But Pamela was ready to make him pay for what he has done to her and stop his -re-election. Pamela told her friend, "I want more freedom - I want ex-girlfriend revenge!"

Well, Pamela got her ex-girlfriend revenge. Her husband was not re-elected, though he started a new career and succeeded. The children were embarrassed about the family squabble made public, and Pamela got far more money and property than was fair.

But look what Pamela eventually lost for believing the lies of a gossip columnist and acting on them:

• She lost all her close friends and their admiration
• The children no longer respected her and became spiritually closer to their father
• Later, the guilt of her actions became so intense; she suffered a nervous breakdown condition that restricted her activity.

Would it not have made more sense for Pamela to get the truth? And suppose Harold had in fact been cheating on her? Would it not have been wiser - if the relationship could not be repaired - to arrange a simple divorce rather than "get even"? Would it not be better to use all subtle means and techniques to win back her husband from the other woman?

And a lawyer of several years' practice said recently, "You know, I gave up handling divorce cases a decade ago for one reason: I simply could not stand to see a divorce action for what it so often is - the desire to avenge oneself for the imagined or real offenses of another."

The lawyer went on to comment, "If couples worked as hard at saving their marriage, helping each other and building the marriage bond that binds them together as they do hurting one another, the social problem caused by divorce today would end.'

Is this the best way to get a divorce? There is no long-term benefit or satisfaction in devoting time and mental energy to getting a divorce and settling score with your spouse. It is usually much more rewarding to give the same amount of energy and thought to building a healthy relationship and enjoying the benefits. You have the power to destroy the influence the other woman has over your husband. Use the power now! Click here to learn more about how to use the power.