There are times, even in an otherwise vibrant Christian marriage, when one spouse does something to really hurt you,that is so unexpected that you don't think you could ever forgive them; but if we are to be Christ like, we should forgive and there are other times when you really need to call it quits.

Physical Abuse:

If your spouse is using you for target practice, a punching bag or just as an unhealthy outlet for their frustrations, you should not subject yourself or any children you might have to that abuse and you will need to get the authorities involved.

This is not just a topic that only affects secular people;but it is something that has invaded Christian marriage as well,as some men misread the verses in the bible about the wife being urged to submit to her husband and thus the husband feels that he can do whatever he wants physically, sexually or otherwise,

The truth is that verse in Ephesians 5 recognizes the differences in males and females in Christian marriage and assigns different roles for each. Men and women are vastly different not just physically but in their attitudes, the way they think etc, Different;but of equal worth to God.

There is a common misconception that only men are the abusers, and this is just wrong and while it is true that much more physical abuse is caused by men, Women do abuse their husbands and it is vastly underreported as most men and society see a man who reports being attacked as a sign of weakness and so the man is terrified of anyone knowing about it, as most of society will shake their head and think "What a weakling He can't even "control" his wife" Women can be very violent, stalking psychos as well.

A case (fiction) of this was chronicled in the 1993 TV movie Men Don't Leave.

There are numerous cases of violence between spouses like the case of a woman a few years ago, who waited too long to get police protection and right as she was walking in the police station, her husband shot and killed her and then took his own life.

Or The more recent case of this young mother who shot and killed her pastor husband to death, that just goes to show you that as Christians, we do not live in a vacuum, what happens in the world does affect the church.

The fact is, if you are in a relationship, even if you thought your spouse knew the Lord and yet they perpetrate ANY acts of violence towards you (or excessive discipline toward any children you two might have) The authorities will have to get involved. And yet, you do still have the option of forgiving them if they are truly sincere and agree to really get help without your spouse making any excuses.

This is a really tough judgment call for you to make as you don't want to potentially put yourself or children at risk.

You are not being a "doormat" for doing so, we are to be Christ like but again not subject yourself or your children to physical or emotional abuse and your spouse must earn your trust.

Cheating:

Cheating is at epidemic proportions and some experts say that infidelity,while still seen as wrong by a lot of people, its becoming more and more "culturally acceptable" I find that statement sad; but more and more true,even among Christians,

If your spouse has betrayed you by having sex with someone else, you have every right to get angry and feel resentment toward that lying cheater and biblically you have the right to tell them to take a flying leap off a 50 storey building (i.e end the marriage)

They have destroyed the trust you had in them, set a bad example for the kids and endangered your life potentially with all these various sexually transmitted diseases,with new ones coming out on the scene,it seems, every year.

You do also have the option of putting aside that desire for ex-girlfriend revenge and hurt (as bad as it is) and find out if your marriage is worth saving. God says in Malachi 2v16 that he hates divorce and that it covers one's clothes with violence, most divorces are not pretty and you have charges and counter charges leveled at each other (some intentionally and blatantly false to gain the judge's favor.)

So while you have two choices of trying to rebuild the lost trust or ending the marriage, a lot of thought should be given to this, you might need to spend some time apart, see your pastor for some insight.

Then if you want to forgive you must forgive completely and not constantly use it as a way to get your way, that is not Christ like forgiveness and this is ONLY if the cheater comes clean on how long, and how many partners they've been with and if they really wants to stay as well and has agreed to counseling and has repented before God, it will take time to rebuild that trust because cheaters do sometimes revert back to cheating again, once again endangering your life so you need to use the old President Reagan adage of "Trust Buy Verify i.e keep an eye open for awhile and don't ignore signs of cheating.

Emotional Abuse

Sometimes no matter how hard your spouse tries nothing seems to be going right in their life (especially career wise) and when they for example were passed over for a promotion,lost a lot of money on the stock market or after spending two hard years of operating that business that has now gone bust,does your spouse take out that frustration on you and constantly berate you,call you names and make you feel low or does that to the kids?

Ending your christian marriage must not be the first option and you should try to reach out to your spouse and the both of you should seek God more and your pastor's counsel as well,

I know it hurts to live that way; but if you follow the crowd, divorce would be the first option, Every person has their limits and yours must be guided by a Christ's example not the world's and your spouse's emotional abuse could be a precursor of things to come (i.e violence) and if that occurs GET OUT.

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So often, we hear folks saying something to the effect of: "God is not listening to me, He never answers my prayers,""I prayed for my husband to come back and he didn't. Where is God?" "I have so many problems, there's no way God will answer me." "Why did God take my husband or ex-girlfriend revenge. We were not finished living our lives together."

Any way one may express it, they, in reality, are saying, "I pray, but I don't believe it will happen." That could be called a lack of faith, or maybe just a lack of understanding of the offer: "Ask and you shall receive."

God does not take our loved ones from us, they leave, because of illness to the body or maybe they have lived so long their bodies are worn out and need rest. Death could come because of our own failings of not taking care of this body. Sometimes mental illness causes suicide. Is that the Hand of God? Is God pulling the strings? Of course not!

In divorce, the death of a marriage is caused by one or the other, or both partners, failing in being able to stand by their vows. Since in marriage, we are considered "one" by God, both will be affected by the action of divorce. It isn't about whose fault it is, it is about a broken covenant. Both will be affected, but in different ways. And yes, it hurts. This is when we should remind ourselves that when Christ died on the cross for sins that were not his own, He hurt, also.

Sometimes God says "No," just as ones own parents have said, "No!" Who does not remember thinking about the "unfairness" of that answer from their parent?

To demonstrate, I will use an example of a parent/teen-age relationship. Let's say, I really want to go to a special dance. I pray fervently that my father will grant my most special wish. I ask him to allow me to borrow the car. I promise to drive carefully and not show off by drag racing. I will get home on time and follow all of the rules.
My father may say, "Yes," but then again, he may say, "NO!"

If he says Yes, I am happy, but if he says No, I will be extremely, disappointed, I may even be angry and say, "You don't love me!" I may even ask "Why didn't you answer my prayer, God? You said, You love me?"

In defense of the father, it is possible that he has heard about a possible rumble at the dance or is not pleased with the friends his child is traveling with. Maybe he is in need of the car on that date.

There are many reasons to say "No." God also, (like the father) is aware of reasons for a "No" answer.We do not always have privy to His all-knowing, decisions. And so we claim, "God is not listening to me." Or "God doesn't answer my prayers."

When we pray to God for any requests, there is one element that we should always remember, God is not the Grand Puppeteer in the Sky! He does not pull the strings of our lives! We have been given the gift of free will. God gave us free will to do right or wrong or even the right to not act at all.God does not step in with a big stick and menacingly shake it at us, when we act against His will or His judgment. We are responsible for our own choices. At the times that we make wrong decisions, we may wonder why God doesn't agree with us.Prayer should not be like a trip to the gas station, "Fill 'er up God!"

And as a loving Father, I am sure He is disappointed in some of our choices, just as He is proud of the good choices we make.

God is not a puppeteer. God is not deaf. He just patiently waits for us to learn our lessons. And He loves even in spite of our folly.

For more tips and tools on how to survive divorce and loss and make healthy relationship choices you are invited to visit: http://askpat.typepad.com

Patricia Hubbard has Facilitated a Support Group for Separated, Divorced and Widowed people for the past 12 years.

What goes hand in hand with weddings and engagements? If you don't know the answer all you need to do is ask your wife, fiance or ex-girlfriend revenge. The answer is jewelry. The very act of giving jewelry from one to another is almost as timeless as love itself. It's not just the gesture of giving a ring but it's what the ring represents-you're undying affection and care for your soul mate. With that being said the importance of the ring you choose cannot be underestimated. But where do you even start? What do you look for when choosing a diamond for your future wife?

When it comes time for you to select a diamond for that special someone the first rule is that bigger isn't necessarily better. Great diamonds also rely on a great cut. They call this Diamond Clarity. Diamond Clarity goes from ''FL'' to I (3). An ''FL'' ranking means the diamond has a flawless cut and is nearly impossible to find. An I (3) ranking means the diamond is very imperfect and has many flaws. While a poor cut could possibly mean a dull diamond a great cut means a precious commodity.

Secondly you must pay very close attention to the color. When it comes to color less is more and you will notice that right away by the price on the tag. Since color steals from the brilliance of the diamond best diamonds are nearly colorless. The diamond color scale ranks diamonds in color from ''D'' to ''Z''. A ''D'' ranking means the diamond is colorless, whereas a ''Z'' ranking means the diamond has a severe yellow coloring to it. Obviously, the closer you can get to ''D'', the better.

Diamonds come in 7 different shapes: emerald, heart, marquise, oval, pear, princess, and round. This all comes down to a personal preference. If you're planning to give the ring as a surprise you'll have to do your detective work. Note the type of jewelry your special someone wears. If she's accustomed to simple rings then a bulky diamond such as a pear shaped will stick out further and be more apt to hit a surface. One of the best techniques is to inquire with one of her close friends or family.

The last and definitely not least is the weight of the diamond. This is called Carats. Carats are often confused with the size, but it is a measurement of weight. One carat is the equivalent of 200 milligrams. One carat can be divided into 100 "points". A .75 carat diamond is the same as 75 points or a 3/4 carat diamond. Since larger diamonds are rarer than smaller diamonds, the value rises exponentially with carat weight.

Once you're ready to purchase, get a diamond grading report from the dealer. This report will testify to the diamonds authenticity and evaluate the characteristics of the diamond. Now that you've got some of the basics down you're almost half way there. Shop around to make sure you find exactly what you're looking for. After all this may well be one of the most important purchases of your life. No pressure.

To find CZ engagement rings or Wedding style rings visit Celebrity Silver.

April is diamond expert consulting thousands of engaged couples on the perfect diamond rings.

I recently came across this headline on a dating site from a woman, "frustrated big time"...hmmm..not many men will find THAT appealing. If you're feeling this way, get over it.

As I continued to read her profile, it was just more of the sad melodramatic story about how she was tired of jerks and men who done her wrong. Good grief.

Men run away from these kinds of women like running away from a tsunami. Well, if you were a man, would you want a woman who appears this negative? Do you want to carry this sort of dead weight?

Probably not.

If you are frustrated about dating, don't wear it like bad makeup. Inspite of it all, there is always another way and another day.

It's ok to vent to your ex-girlfriend revenges about this but don't advertise your frustration to men. They'll think you're a drama mama who can't be successful at anything including trying to land a man.

The best position to take is to look inside of you. Why do you keep putting out the sort of energy that brings in these types? Is there something about your thinking, your attitude that you can change? How can you become the best woman who can really shine in every area of your life?

It's just not a good idea to tell men that you're tired of the creeps, that you've been hurt, that you're been locked away with a dragon for years or that you're on your second season of men "who did me wrong."

Nicole Gayle is the author of the e-book, How to Go from ex-girlfriend revenge to Wife, written to help you take your man from maybe to "I do" - Be the kind of woman your man HAS to marry. ex-girlfriend revengetowife.com">http://www.howtogofromex-girlfriend revengetowife.com